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QaR
March 2009 
It might have just hit me.
Posted on Mar 5th, 2009
by 
oraktoraeneo
oraktoraeneo
Power and indifference - both of these have permeated through a few of my entries as of late. Since those entries, I have given much time to pondering them. Now, today, while inadvertantly using the resistance that is my father, I think I get where both of these stand in my life.
Both aspects (of my personality) are, in effect, two polar ends of the same feeling. From more than a hope that I am giving myself too much credit, I feel as though I truly want to see change happen. However, sometimes, it's hard to witness such a world that could fix itself if only there was a group, sort of a front line, that chose to sacrifice a little for their/our future.
As I came to see what is so hard to effect, I withdrew inward and felt as though feeling was pointless. How can one individual do anything? (Note that I know where I am posting, and my saying of such things does NOT indicate that I am intending to demean what everyone here has done.) Sometimes, it feels like watching a bad movie - eventually, you end up screaming at the screen for it to stop, but nothing happens. When nothing does, you wish for someway to change it yourself. Not forcefully, but absolutely. This is where the essence of my desire for undifferentiated power stems from. It does not derive from either end of the spectrum, but can be used for anything.
The dilemma is that nothing like this exists. So, the opposing end - feeling powerless to actually create necessary action - of course, is what I have come to attribute to what the mystics deem as a general detachment from the world. (If the outside is effected in anyway, your personal world won't be, so long as you choose to remain detached.) Problem is, this doesn't solve anything either.
So, where does one stand?
Both aspects (of my personality) are, in effect, two polar ends of the same feeling. From more than a hope that I am giving myself too much credit, I feel as though I truly want to see change happen. However, sometimes, it's hard to witness such a world that could fix itself if only there was a group, sort of a front line, that chose to sacrifice a little for their/our future.
As I came to see what is so hard to effect, I withdrew inward and felt as though feeling was pointless. How can one individual do anything? (Note that I know where I am posting, and my saying of such things does NOT indicate that I am intending to demean what everyone here has done.) Sometimes, it feels like watching a bad movie - eventually, you end up screaming at the screen for it to stop, but nothing happens. When nothing does, you wish for someway to change it yourself. Not forcefully, but absolutely. This is where the essence of my desire for undifferentiated power stems from. It does not derive from either end of the spectrum, but can be used for anything.
The dilemma is that nothing like this exists. So, the opposing end - feeling powerless to actually create necessary action - of course, is what I have come to attribute to what the mystics deem as a general detachment from the world. (If the outside is effected in anyway, your personal world won't be, so long as you choose to remain detached.) Problem is, this doesn't solve anything either.
So, where does one stand?
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